Why I LOVE the Wimpy Kid…

About a month ago, we took a trip to our local Barnes & Noble, as I had a few books I had on my wishlist. Most of the time (if we have the money) I let the boys pick out an inexpensive book to take home. Drew was having trouble finding anything that was in the price range I had given him. This is the kid that has had MANY books purchased for him that he has never read past the first chapter. They were either a bit too challenging for him to read by himself, or the story just didn’t grip him enough to continue reading them.

So, as I typically do, I directed him to a specific area of the children’s section and began showing him books and reading the covers to him. Book after book, he responded with a hearty, “No, that doesn’t sound interesting,” or a “That book is too hard, “ reply. That’s when a book caught my eye. It was the first in the “Wimpy Kid” series by Jeff Kinney. I flipped through the pages, showing Drew how it was written like a diary and had lots of funny pictures on it’s pages. I managed to talk him into, so we purchased the book, along with a few others, and left to have dinner at a close by restaurant.

By the time we had been seated, both boys had their noses in their new books. Drew kept on giggling and rereading sections to us that amused him and showing us the pictures. By the time we got in the car to head back home, he had read over 30 pages!

The next day I woke up and came downstairs to find both boys on the couch, with the tv off, books in hand. I can’t even begin to tell you how much I enjoyed seeing that. By lunch time that day, Drew had finished the entire first book! I couldn’t believe it. Not only had we found a book he could and would read, but he devoured it. In less than 24 hours, he had torn through the entire 224 page chapter book.

He has since finished the first 3 books, each of them being read within a 24-48 hour period. This is the first time EVER he has stuck through a chapter book and read it entirely on his own. I will be purchasing the 4th book for him very soon. Then we have an entire month to wait for the 5th and newest book to be released.

I am really hopeful that reading this series will open up new worlds for him, and encourage him to read more books. I have been trying to find other books that are the same reading level that I think he might enjoy. SO far I have come up with the following:

• The Indian in the Cupboard series
• The Phantom Tollbooth

I am really struggling with adding anything else to this list. SO I am begging you, ask your 8-12 year old boys for suggestions. I want to keep him supplied with fresh reading material so that we can further develop this newfound love for reading.

If you have a young man who you just can’t get to read, you might wanna check out this series for them. It worked for us, and I am so thankful to Jeff Kinney for writing such an engaging, entertaining series for kids to read and enjoy.

Blessings!

Homeschooling Myths & Excuses

Disclaimer: The content below was not written by me. Credit has been given to the original writer.

I just had to share this info with you. May of the things addressed in this article we have all heard before. But the perspective of the author speaks to me so strongly. She hits the nail right on the head! Happy reading!

Blessings,

Ten Myths About Homeschooling and Anti-Homeschooling Excuses

By Shirley Erwee

Prospective homeschool parents have to face fears, doubts and myths that keep them from taking the decision to homeschool their children. This article is an attempt to do some myth-busting, dispel the fears and disqualify the anti-homeschooling excuses that prevent many parents from the awesome experience of homeschooling their families...(yes, not just the kids, the parents get HOME schooled too!)

1. I don't get on with my kids/ My kids have bad attitudes/ My kids won't listen to me.

This, to me, is one of the best reasons to homeschool. Instead of running from discipline issues that need to be tackled, loving parents need to embrace opportunities to teach and train their children to be respectful and obedient. They need to learn to reach their children's hearts, not just apply various methods of behaviour modification and punishment, but actually build heart-to-heart relationships with their children.

Ignoring a problem issue or expecting a teacher to deal with it, does not show love and commitment to children. They will test their boundaries and they need parents to care enough to establish and enforce boundaries. Homeschooling facilitates plenty of opportunities for parent-child relationship-building.

2. I am not well-educated/ I can't teach subjects like Maths and Science

Research has shown that the level of education of homeschooling parents is not a factor determining successful homeschooling. Even parents that dropped out of high school have successfully homeschooled their children all through high school. Parents who did not have a good school career are often able to fill in the 'gaps' in their own education as they progress through various concepts with their children.

Homeschool curricula are designed to be used by parents that are not trained, professionals and for students pursuing self-study. In most cases, clear instructions are given, parent guides and solutions are provided. Some curricula even provide instructional DVD's where a teacher teaches the new concepts for the benefit of both the parent and the student.

As a last resort, homeschoolers can also do what school-going children do if they battle with a subject - they can go for private tuition.

3. I can't afford it.

With all the options and choices of curricula available plus free resources available on the internet, there are no grounds for this excuse. Most homeschooling families survive on one income and still give their children a good quality education.

At the very worst, you can limit yourself to spend the same amount as it would cost to have your children attend school, without the extras like school clothing, lunch money, contributions to fund-raising and other school-related expenses.

Since most of your money will be spent on books and materials which can be re-used with younger siblings, you can get a lot of value for your money.

4. My children just LOVE being with their friends

If your children prefer being with their friends, than with their family, perhaps they have already developed an unhealthy peer dependency. This might not seem to be a problem at preschool or primary school level, but just wait until they hit the teen years!

As an alternative, homeschooling enables children to build good relationships with both their parents and their siblings. When their identities are strongly rooted in their families and they have good family values, then children are better able to develop healthy friendships outside the home.

Homeschooling enables parents to choose the social interactions that their children experience. Parents can keep them from negative peer group pressure or bad influences until the children are old enough to gradually be exposed to them and are mature enough to make good decisions and build good relationships.

Homeschoolers don't just stay at home. They also socialize- just not during school time!
Research has also shown that in general, homeschoolers have better social skills with a wider ranger of age groups than school-going children, whose social interactions are largely limited to their own age group.

5. I don't have the patience

When I first started homeschooling, I read somewhere that you only get patience if you need it!

The same is true of other character qualities that homeschooling parents need such as perseverance, humility, self-sacrifice, compassion, diligence, etc.

It is through homeschooling that our characters are shaped, moulded and matured and we become equipped to do what we are called to do.

6. I am scared of failing.

I often tell my children that, "Courage is doing what we have to do, EVEN WHEN WE FEEL AFRAID."

It's amazing to me how many parents are afraid that they might mess up their children's education, but they seem to have no fear that some teacher might mess up even better!

When you see how many children suffer for various reasons in the school system, it is even more amazing that parents are willing to entrust their precious blessings to total strangers for 6 hours of the day or more!

As a parent, you love your children like no teacher ever will, you have their best interests at heart and you are able to give them a tailor-made education, suited to their individual needs.

Unless you are not committed to successful homeschooling and dealing with the parenting and discipline issues that may crop up, there is no reason why you should not do an equal or better job than a paid professional.

Now, I am not saying that any parent can be a school teacher - no, I think one does need special training to teach a class of 35 plus children that are not your own in a school situation...but I do believe that committed parents can do a good job in homeschooling their own.

7. Will I cope? I am stressed out already.

Many outsiders see homeschooling only as an added responsibility - the burden of the academic training of their children. However, to give it a different perspective, homeschooling is a lifestyle that brings a lot of flexibility to a family's day-to-day life. This might be just the thing to help a stressed out parent cope better with the demands of a family.

Since everyone is together, not rushing out in different directions, life is usually simplified. Children are home and can be trained to help out around the house too.

Sometimes a parent may initially need to stop certain outside activities or commitments, like additional church programs, sports or hobbies. However, this is not always the case and many homeschoolers are equally, if not more involved in their communities than non-homeschooling families.

Sometimes these activities just need to be re-scheduled to accommodate the homeschool lifestyle.

Learning to adapt and put family first is often a good thing. I know of too many people whose children are treated like second-rate citizens for the so-called good of the community, so that parents can find approval from their own peer group for their good deeds and commitments!

8. We have such a nice teacher/school.

There certainly are some very nice teachers and schools with good results and good reputations. However, does the teacher or the school's values match your family values? Will the nice teacher always be the one to teach your child?

Often a school is legally bound to teach a curriculum which may be in conflict with your beliefs. No education is neutral. If you don't know what your children are being taught, perhaps you should find out the underlying belief system.

No matter how nice the teacher or the school, only YOU have an intimate love relationship with your child and ultimately you are responsible for your child's education, whether you delegate that responsibility to a school or not.

9. I need more stimulation/ I can't just stay home / I love my job.

As career-workers, many of us initially find our identity in our job, satisfaction in the approval from our co-workers, boss or simply the pay check at the end of the month.

Choosing to stay home as a wife and mother demands a shift in one's mindset and accepting that at the end of many days and months there is no tangible reward. You come to realize that raising well-educated, confident and secure children is one of the greatest achievements that one can strive towards. For many of us, its obedience to a God-given calling.

Although the stimulation may be of a different kind to that of a job, homeschooling can be very stimulating for parents as it offers you the opportunity to learn and explore topics of interest along with your children. It affords you the time to enjoy educational trips, tours, outings, co-ops, crafts, hobbies, sport and even home-based business opportunities.

(Many homeschooling parents, like me have website-based businesses that earn them a good income and they get to work at their own pace! See links below.)

10. My parents, in-laws, friends, neighbours or church, etc. won't approve.

For some reason, we all like to have the approval of others, especially those whom we respect and with whom we have intimate relationships. However, if you and your spouse are in agreement that homeschooling is best for your children, you need to have the guts to stand up for your convictions.

To many non-homeschoolers, homeschooling is a foreign concept and people don't understand why you are NOT just doing the done thing and sending your children to school.

Sometimes people feel that by your choice to homeschool, you are silently judging their choice of schooling and rating it as second best, so they attack your choice because attack is their best defence.

Ultimately, you are responsible for your children, not your family and peers...and a good answer is to tell others that you feel your choice is best for YOUR family but you realize it may not be the same for other families. You don't even have to explain your reasons!

Many homeschoolers have had to face criticism and skepticism from outsiders, yet in the end, the 'proof has been in the pudding' as they say. Many times, after a few years, others have seen the good fruit of a homeschooling family and they have earned the respect and support which was lacking at first!

Submitted by Shirley Erwee of http://www.shirleys-preschool-activities.com/ 

Shirley is a mother of five and has been homeschooling her children for over ten years. She is the author of various homeschooling curricula, from preschool to high school. Her websites offer encouragement to other homeschooling parents. To find out more go to http://www.south-african-homeschool-curriculum.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Shirley_Erwee

Greenwood student sues to stop prayer

Wow, I can't believe this is happening in my own backyard! My pastor posted information about this today and I am shocked. Then again, we live in an anti-Christian society, so it really shouldn't come as a surprise. Click the link to read the article from the local newspaper.

Greenwood student sues to stop prayer | IndyStar.com | The Indianapolis Star

Please pray over this situation. 

Posted using ShareThis

: ) Cassie

WOW I Needed This Reminder!

This recently posted on HOTM and it really spoke to me. I have been really struggling with my attitude of late and this is a great reminder that the atmosphere of my home starts with ME.

1 Corinthians 13 for Homeschool Moms

March 10, 2010 by Misty

9 Comments

If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and teach my children Latin conjugations, Chinese and Portuguese, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal, and no matter what I say, they will not hear me.

If I have the gift of prophecy, and know my children’s bents and God’s plan for their lives, and know all mysteries and all knowledge, and am the keeper of the teacher’s editions and solutions manuals, and if I have all faith, so as to move mountains, and even keep up with my giant piles of laundry and dishes, but do not have love, I am nothing, even if all the people at church think I’m Supermom.

And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and my formal dining room gets turned into a schoolroom and our family vacations look more like educational fieldtrips, and if I surrender my body to be burned, never having time to get my nails done, put makeup on or even take a bath, but do not have love, it profits me nothing, because all my family cares about is the expression on my face, anyway.

Love is patient with the child who still can’t get double-digit subtraction with borrowing, and kind to the one who hasn’t turned in his research paper. It is not jealous of moms with more, fewer, neater, more self-directed, better-behaved or smarter children. Love does not brag about homemade bread, book lists, or scholarships and is not arrogant about her lifestyle or curriculum choices. It does not act unbecomingly or correct the children in front of their friends. It does not seek its own, trying to squeeze in alone time when someone still needs help; it is not provoked when interrupted for the nineteenth time by a child, the phone, the doorbell or the dog; does not take into account a wrong suffered, even when no one compliments the dinner that took hours to make or the house that took so long to clean.

Love does not rejoice in unrighteousness or pointing out everyone else’s flaws, but rejoices with the truth and with every small step her children take in becoming more like Jesus, knowing it’s only by the grace of God when that occurs.

Love bears all things even while running on no sleep; believes all things, especially God’s promise to indwell and empower her; hopes all things, such as that she’ll actually complete the English curriculum this year and the kids will eventually graduate; endures all things, even questioning from strangers, worried relatives, and most of all, herself.

Love never fails. And neither will she. As long as she never, never, never gives up.

Misty Krasawski is the overly-blessed mom of eight children whom she homeschools in sunshine-y Florida. She has been clinging ferociously to the hand of her Lord since she was knee-high to a grasshopper, homeschooling for the past thirteen years, and has eighteen more years ahead of her with the children who are glad she will have done most of her experimenting on those who went before. Her wonderful husband Rob has much treasure laid up for him in heaven for having been called to such a daunting task. After the house goes to sleep she can sometimes be found gathering her thoughts at http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/MistyKrasawski.

1 Corinthians 13 for Homeschool Moms | Heart of the Matter Online - bridging the gap between child and parent

Wow, totally awesome article, thanks for writing it Misty :)

Blessings,

: ) Cassie

From Trendy Treehouse: Making Discipline Fun! How to Make a Behavior Chart

I found this in my feed reader today and I thought it was great idea to make a visual reminder for your children! Check it out!

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Making Discipline Fun! How to Make a Behavior Chart

I will admit that the title is a bit of "puffery".  Discipline is never fun.  In fact, discipline is a, well, discipline. The truth of the matter is that we all want to have the "perfect" children who rarely act up in front of other people, who keep their rooms clean, do their homework without having to be nagged and are nothing but respectful and obedient.

What? Your children don't fit that description? Mine either. I have two children, aged 4 and 6, whom I refer to as "Monkey Children" on most days, because I feel like my house is a circus, and I am the monkey wrangler.

It's always nice to find "systems" which work well for parenting, like my earlier article on getting your kids to clean their rooms in 15 minutes.  What I will be sharing today is an idea that my son brought home from first grade.  It is a great way to reinforce positive behavior AND more than JUST being a "positive" discipline tool, it also discourages negative behavior.

This is a chart, made by my son, exactly like the one in his first grade classroom, that hangs on the fridge. Each child has a clothespin that has their name on it, attached to the chart.

Materials Needed:

• 7 colors of paper: one white, red, orange, yellow, green, blue and purple
• Glue
• Scissors or paper cutter
• Crayons or Pens for writing on paper
• A clothespin per child, permanent pen for writing on clothespin

How to make it:

1. Cut the paper in quarters and use just a quarter of the page (you can make it bigger if you have more than six children)
2. Glue them the way they are in the above picture, from the top: purple, blue, green, white, yellow, orange, red.  
3. Label them this way (or make your own labels!) : purple should say "Awesome work!", blue - "Great Job!", green - "Keep it up!", white "Good Morning", yellow "Oops", orange - "Uh Oh", red - sad face. 

How to use it:

Each morning, we always start on Good Morning, this way we reinforce the idea that we shouldn't hold grudges or "go to sleep angry".  Every day is a new day!  We start fresh, no matter how bad the day before was!

As you can see, they move their pin up and down the chart depending on how their behavior has been that day.  My son argues with me? I simply say, "Go move your pin down" and he goes and moves his pin down.  If he gets to the very bottom, which is a sad face, he loses something precious to him, like video games, for 3 days.  On the other side of "GOOD MORNING" is the happy side, if he gets to the very top, he gets an extra hour of video game time.

For my 4 year old daughter this works as well, she throws a tantrum, I start to count, if I get to 3 and she's not done screaming, she has to move the pin down.  At each level they move below "good morning" they have a punishment, normally a time out, a loss of privileges/toys or for direct defiance, they get a spanking.  
The best part is that it forces me to "catch" them being good!  The worst part is that you realize how infrequently you do that.

It is a tool that I find easy to use and be consistent with. What works for you?

Trendy Treehouse: Making Discipline Fun! How to Make a Behavior Chart

Discipline in the Terrible Twos by Sheila Wray Gregoire

I read this great article today from Sheila Wray Gregoire at To Love, Honor, and Vacuum and I wanted to share it here with you!

Last week a number of you asked me to write a post about how to discipline a toddler! I have so much to say about this I don't know if it will fit all in one post, but let's give it a try.
First, a bit of perspective. I firmly believe that the more you discipline a child up until the age of 3 or 4, the less you have to discipline a child around ages 15-17. And it's at 15-17 when they can get into some serious trouble! That's why it's so important that toddlers are taught to respect your authority and to obey.
I know "obey" is a dirty word. We don't want to impose our wills on these bright, impressionable children. But let's not forget that they are "children". They are not adults. They don't know everything. And they need to be taught to channel their energies in the right direction. Besides, it gives them a feeling of security when they realize that they are not in charge of this big, huge world. When they know there are checks and balances, and that Mommy and Daddy will stop them from doing something bad, they actually feel freer to explore this world than when they are given no limits at all.
So let's move into how to discipline.
1. Schedule/Routine works so well. If you can institute a schedule or routine so that the children know what to expect, you are less likely to need much formal discipline. One of the reasons kids act out is because they are confused or overwhelmed because they don't understand what is going on. That's why kids are more likely to act like brats in a new situation meeting all your relatives, for instance. It's an unfamiliar situation.
As much as possible, then, kids thrive with a schedule. Up at 7, play until 7:45, then breakfast. Play until 10, then outing. Home for lunch. Do a craft. Take a nap. Etc. etc. And try to make outings have similar themes! Have toys that you only take on outings. Go to the library at the same time on the days that you go. When kids know what to expect, they are far more likely to relax and enjoy it than to get upset and start acting out.
2. Make Allowances for Them. Kids are kids, and often we expect them to be able to behave better than perhaps we should. When my girls and I used to grocery shop when they were babies and toddlers, I would stick them into the grocery cart and then head immediately to the produce department, where I would buy two bananas. Then I'd go to the checkout and pay for my two little bananas. I'd keep the receipt handy, in my pocket, and I'd let the girls eat the bananas while we shopped. That kept them from fussing or from trying to touch all the food. If they already had food, they were far more likely to enjoy the experience.
It's unrealistic to expect a 2-year-old to sit calmly in a grocery cart in the middle of all that food for half an hour or 45 minutes while you get a huge shop done. Buy them a healthy snack at the beginning, and you get away from a lot of trouble.
Similarly, if you're waiting at a doctor's office, or if another appointment, it's unrealistic to expect them to sit calmly there, too. I always kept a few small toys and several books in my bag, and whenever we were out at stuff like that I'd whip them out and keep them occupied. It works well at restaurants, too.
I know it doesn't look like the first two have much to do with discipline, but I believe that if we aren't unreasonable with our children, and if we have a routine, kids in general will behave better. Now let's turn to the times when they don't behave.
3. Determine the root cause. My oldest daughter, for instance, threw temper tantrums like there was no tomorrow when she was 2. She'd get upset about something--like we had to leave the park--and she'd start screaming. The problem was she couldn't stop. She'd get to the point where her temper tantrum had nothing to do with what set her off. She was just screaming now because she was overwhelmed with her emotions.
It's frustrating as a parent, but much of life as a 2-3 year-old is learning things, and one thing you have to learn is handling emotions. Becca just couldn't do it at the time (she's still working on calming herself down when she feels panicky or upset, but she's much better at it at 15).
If you can see that it's not that she or he is being defiant, but it's just that they're tired or overwhelmed, that can at least perhaps temper your anger. It doesn't mean you don't discipline; it just makes you a little more sympathetic.
I would take Becca, in the middle of these tantrums, and talk quietly to her but make it clear that she couldn't be with the family or with other people if she was going to scream and thrash like that. We'd either remove her from the room we were in, or, if she was thrashing too much, I'd hold her on my lap, not talking to her, until she was able to calm down.
I never bribed her or tried to get her interested in something else. She needed to learn how to calm herself down. That's the main lesson she needed to get out of her temper tantrums, and if I calmed her down by giving her something, like chocolate, than the lesson was thrown out the window. It was frustrating because it's hard to listen to her screaming, but we'd either put her in a room and let her cry on her bed or I'd hold her on my lap, keeping her arms down, so she wasn't a harm to anybody.
4. Keep Discipline Immediate and Quick. Kids don't have long attention spans, and they don't always understand things when there's too much time between infraction and punishment. If they've just bitten somebody, then you must respond right then. If my children were at playgroup, for instance, and they did something horribly inappropriate, like biting or throwing a tantrum, we would leave. They were very upset about that, and it often made the tantrum worse, but they had to learn that they couldn't act that way in that setting.
Kids need to learn that in public there are certain things you can't do, like screaming, or hitting, or being violent. If they were, they lost their chance to play.
If you're going to institute something like this, don't lecture them or be mad. Just treat it like it's natural. "It's too bad we have to leave now, but that's what happens when you bite. Maybe we'll be able to come back tomorrow if you decide not to bite again." Then don't yell at them. You've already punished them. Let them understand that it was their choice to leave, since they did the biting. Next time, if they make a different choice, then you can stay.
But it must be immediate. Don't dilly dally and wait around and second guess yourself, or you've lost the chance. You can always come back another time, and it does help kids learn to control themselves when they see that they lose something important to them.
5. You Must Be Consistent. If you are going to make it a rule that everyone tries two bites of everything on their plate, for instance, then you have to make them. You can't do it one night and not the rest, or you'll have to start from scratch all over again. They'll know they can push the limits.
That's why it's better NOT to discipline or threaten if you're not going to follow through in the same way all the time. If you're going to let it go sometimes, but not others, you just confuse kids, and you actually put yourself in a worse situation. It's better to have small consequences that you always enforce than some big ones you're haphazard about, because you just confuse kids about the rules.
So don't threaten something in anger. Ask yourself, "can I really follow through? Can I follow through like this on another day, too? Is this something I can regularly do?" And if it's not, don't do it. When kids feel there's a CHANCE they can get away with something, they're more likely to push the limits than if they feel like there are no limits at all, if that makes any sense. It's better not to do anything than to do it halfway.
So with toddlers, choose small things to discipline about. Remove a toy. Have them stand in time out for 3 minutes. Take them out to the car if they're acting up in a restaurant. Leave a playgroup. As for spanking, you can do this if you want to, but I never recommend it because some people do spank in anger, and that's dangerous. If you don't spank in anger, and you're controlled and calm, then that's really up to you. I just don't want to get involved in that decision-making chain of yours!
Let me tell you, though, that some research has shown that spanking is much more effective for boys than for girls. Girls often react badly. Boys often react well. Nevertheless, you know your kids, and you choose what is best for them.
One more thing: try not to yell. If what you're doing is just enforcing consequences, you can do it in a nice voice. "It's too bad you can't play with bunny anymore today, but Mommy warned you, and I have to take it away now." Yelling scares kids and undermines your authority. It's not nice, it creates a horrible environment in the home, and it's not necessary except in really bad circumstances. Kids are far more likely to accept a consequence when you announce it in a firm but normal voice than if you go off the deep end.
I hope that helps! Leave your comments and other ideas below, and maybe I'll leave a follow-up post on Thursday!

If you want to hear more just like this post, you'll love Sheila's audio download, "To Love, Honor and Vacuum"! Do you feel more like a maid than a wife and a mother? Do you wonder how to get your home under control--and how to raise your kids well? Listen in to this hour long talk!

Download now.

Wow, what great insights! This is pretty much exactly how I view discipline with Joey (now 20mo). There has to be a good balance between structure and freedom, teaching and training, praise and correction. It’s not always easy to accomplish this, but toddlers are pretty forgiving!

Hoping you have a wonderful week!

Blessings,

: ) Cassie

Recommended Read - Obstinate? or Gifted?

I read a very good blog post this morning from Lisa @ The Joy of Learning that really got me thinking and I wanted to put it here on my blog for you to read. Enjoy!

Sometimes, before parents fully realise that they have a gifted child, they learn they have an obstinate one. From early toddlerhood, such a child can constantly test parents’ patience and boundaries, and those Terrible Twos evolve into the Trying Threes and the Frustrating Fours. Some traits one might find in the obstinate child are:
• the child doesn’t appear to respect parental authority;
• he has his own agenda from which he won’t be swayed;
• he will throw tantrums or even be destructive when he doesn’t get his own way;
• he is quite happy to engage in arguments with his parents (often very adroitly) and is willing to persist in his position until he “wins”;
• the parent/child relationship is characterized by constant power-struggles, even over the littlest things; and
• the child is frequently angry or outraged by perceived injustices.

Some parents wonder if they should seek professional help and question whether their child might have Oppositional Defiance Disorder (ODD) or some other mental health issue; others question their own parenting style and wonder what they are doing wrong.

Certainly, if your child is being destructive or dangerous to himself or others, or if his oppositional behaviour is directed to adults in all settings (instead of just his parents or a single teacher), then professional help should be sought.

In the book, Misdiagnosis and Dual Diagnosis of Gifted Children and Adults, the authors note that ODD is the second most common misdiagnosis of gifted children, after ADHD. It was certainly a diagnosis I wondered about when one of my children was about three years of age and very difficult to manage. In fact, I even went to see a therapist because I couldn’t believe how strong-willed this child was and I was worried about how we would ever cope. It was she who suggested that he might be gifted, which of course opened up a world of understanding.

Today, at age seven, he is a much easier child, so I want to share some hopeful news for parents dealing with this type of child, as well as some strategies that have worked for us. While the traits listed above were all present in my child at age three, it should be noted that he only behaved that way for his parents. He was capable of presenting an entirely different front at school, which is why the ODD label would not have applied to him.

Part of dealing with his behaviour involved understanding my own. Most parents of gifted children are themselves gifted, and can be challenging and overly-sensitive people too! I began to understand that he was as much a control freak as I was. We are also both extreme perfectionists and have short fuses. I didn’t expect that a 3-year old “needed” to be in charge of his life, but then again, at that time I didn’t really understand giftedness.

Some strategies I’ve employed over the years that seem to have made a real difference in his behaviour today include the following:

i) Set clear boundaries and then calmly enforce them — every single time. If there is any possibility of a loophole, a gifted child will find it immediately and then proceed to drive a dump truck through it. This is the most important thing to remember. If you make a rule, and then fail to enforce it or allow regular exceptions to it, you might as well not bother having a rule at all.

ii) Be prepared to explain clearly why the rule exists, even if it’s just to say that it makes family life run more smoothly if everyone abides by certain terms. Fairness is the key issue for these kids (although young children tend to see this only through the lens of “fair to them”). If they understand why they have to follow a rule, and see it being applied consistently (to their siblings as well), then they are more likely to be prepared to follow it themselves (and will be sure to point out if someone else in the family does not).

iii) Don’t make arbitrary or ad hoc rules designed for your convenience in the moment. If they seem even slightly unfair or inconsistent, he will call you on them and you’ll lose face. Rules must be thought of ahead of time, made patently clear to the child and then rigorously enforced with, perhaps, an escalating consequences list (or whatever works for your family).

iv) Having clear consequences that you’ve determined in advance means that you can calmly state what’s going to happen next, without falling into the trap of sputtering something out in anger like, “No TV for the rest of the month!”

v) Try to let her have some control, where possible. If she wants to choose her own clothes to wear at age three, even if they don’t match, let her. Recognise which battles aren’t worth having. Give the child a choice between two things (that are both agreeable to you) and relinquish control over the things that don’t matter.

vi) Where it does matter, he has to understand that you’re the boss. I sometimes tell my children that our family is not a democracy, but rather a benign dictatorship. Daddy and I are in charge. That said, we try very hard not to cross the line between authoritative and authoritarian. We DO listen to our children’s opinions on things and we do encourage their independence and the development of responsibilities; but, at the end of the day, they have to understand that there is a final authority in our household and it isn’t the child. Some days it might seem so much easier just to give in to a child like this and let him rule the roost, rather than engage in constant battles, but it would be a huge mistake to do so. Despite their protests, they do want rules. They need to know that competent adults are in charge, so they can be free to be children and not be overwhelmed by the awesome responsibility of making all of the decisions.

vii) Work on your attachment relationship. Since beginning homeschooling 18 months ago, we have had few significant behavioural problems. Being together constantly presents some challenges, but it also allows plenty of time for the positive aspects of our relationship to flourish. We connect so much better now than we did when we had more limited time together. Additionally, he is getting plenty of intellectual challenge, and has a say in what he learns, so the frustration of being bored and under stimulated is no longer there. There is time for him to take on responsibilities around the house that make him feel important and useful, and there is time for attention to be given to his interests and hobbies, as well as special family time that makes him feel warm and loved. With all of that positive attachment, it’s much harder to get angry and stay angry.

viii) Recognise that some of the difficult behaviour may have another cause or contributing factor and seek to find out what that is. For example, my son is an introvert, as is most of the gifted population. I have learned that when he is getting irritable it is often because he either needs to eat something (he’s got reactive hypoglycaemia, also quite common among the gifted due to the high ‘fuel consumption’ of their brains) or he needs time by himself to recharge his batteries. This is not treated as something punitive, but just as something essential to his well-being. He now recognizes it himself and will say “I need some alone time”, and then take it.

ix) A little humour goes a long way. In the heat of the moment, it is hard to remember that, but cracking a joke or doing something unexpectedly funny, like making a face or changing your voice, can disarm a child who is gearing up for battle.

Remember, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Gifted children are often highly attuned to issues of fairness and justice, particularly, as young children, when those issues concern them personally. As they get older, they often develop considerable empathy and those ideals may be directed toward redressing injustices elsewhere in the world. The child demanding fairness from you now may be tomorrow’s crusader for justice or Nobel Peace Prize contender. Or so you can hope – and a little hope can go a long way in trying times.

Wow, could it be that many of those things that frustrate me as a parent are actually signs that I have a gifted child? That puts things in a whole new perspective for me. What about you?

Blessings,

: ) Cassie

What We Are Reading Together... Thanksgiving Week '08

We are about halfway through this book right now and we are all hooked! I started reading it Sunday, and so far I have read until my throat was dry and crackly every night.
I have to be honest, when I received this book from Crossway to review, I wasn't very enthusiastic. At first glance it didn't look like it was a read that was up our alley. But after I read the info about it, I decided to dig in and I am really glad I did!
There are soo many parallels in this book with the Christian faith that it's very easy to miss a few here and there. It's a very CS Lewis-Esq novel with plenty of "underlying symbolism" to meander through, which makes it a great family read aloud and really spurs some interesting discussions. Even children who are too young to appreciate the symbolism can appreciate the story, but be warned, there are some creepy parts in this plot! You may have to quell a few fears before you get through the book! We will likely wrap this book up in the next few days, so stay tuned for a complete review to come soon!
(Click on the book above to learn more)
Blessings,
Cassie